Behind my smile

Hey you!

I just had a baby, can you see me?

Behind the crying newborn and my big smile

I may feel as lost as if I had been

in the Minotaur’s labyrinth.

Hey you!

If you’re my doctor, my midwife or my nurse

And I complain about my sleepless baby

Can you please not tell me to leave her to cry?

Can you please not tell me to suck it up?

If you’re my GP, my midwife or my nurse

And I complain about my sleepless baby

Can you please make sure that I get help?

Can you check if I may be depressed?

Hey you!

If you’re friend or family visiting

And I’m anxious and flustered trying to calm baby down

Can you please not grab her from my arms?

Can you please not show me how it’s done?

If you’re friend or family visiting

Can you pacify me with the jokes we used to share?

And if I don’t laugh…

Can you offer to take her outside for a walk

So I can just stop hearing her ceaseless cry?

Hey you!

If you’re my Mum or my mother-in-law

When everything in my life is a complete mess

Can you please not tell me how different it all was?

Can you please not tell me how easy we have it now?

If you’re my Mum or my mother-in-law

Can you ask my dear what exactly can I help you with?

And if you see that I’m too tired to make up my mind

Can you please just send me to sleep even tidy the house?

Hey you!

If you’re my partner and you feel as lost as I am

If you think one minute I want this and the other I want that

If you feel that you’ve never seen me crying so much

If you feel that you can’t do anything right

Hey you!

You’re probably right.

If you’re my partner and you feel as lost as I am

Can you just sit down and hug me while I cry?

Can you just nod to my opposite demands?

Can you just remind me of the awesome job I’ve done?

Hey you!

My doctor, my midwife, my friend, my Mum, my partner:

My body and my mind feel like a maze right now

And I don’t know how long it will take

to finally find the thread to get out.

But postnatal depression is a monster called Minotaur

And I really don’t want to get caught

I need as much support as I can

If you feel that I’m not coping...

You’re probably right.

Anna is a journalist and a mother of three children under the age of 7, Dragon Ryder, Gecko Princess and Baby Anaconda. She spends most of her week being a stay-out-of-home Mum to tire her three energetic girls while she thinks and writes about the joys and struggles of parenting.

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